Footnote vs. Headline

 Jasper Speaks:

Finding what God has for me is a struggle. I have spent several years trying to control my life. I now realize I cannot do that. My need for control was subtle. Mostly it was in the intent behind my prayers. I would pray, "If it is your will" while thinking "Make this happen because it is my will". Somehow, I wondered why there was such disappointment in my life. Control. Janet Jackson sang about it. The world tells us we need it. Jesus says, sit back and let me have it.

Some things in my life have caused me great pain. Sometimes I do not understand my "thorn in the flesh" and why God chose to give my specific issue to me. But in talking with my counselor yesterday, I had a bit of an epiphany. The enemy wants to make my thorn in the flesh the headline of my life while God tells me it is merely a footnote. 

Even in dealing with this issue and how it is used in my life, I have been seeking control. When I do that, I give the enemy a seat at my table. I hear say things like, "This is who you are" and "Just give in, it will be easier". But I realize that when I hand the reins over to Jesus, He says, "I am the place where you find your identity" and hold steadfast, it is only a footnote, not a headline."

So, yes, I still have a carnal desire for control, but Jesus is helping me better understand the fact that only He controls what happens. If I lean into Him, he will direct me to where I need to go. If I am honest in my prayers, He will gladly take my life and let it be used by Him. In His way. In His time.